1 00:00:02,968 --> 00:00:05,503 [♪] 2 00:01:15,174 --> 00:01:17,942 Okay, honey. It's ready. 3 00:01:20,179 --> 00:01:23,315 All right. What would you like to start with? 4 00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:24,783 Something light. 5 00:01:24,784 --> 00:01:26,284 The gas bill. 6 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,757 Pen. 7 00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:33,925 Bromo. 8 00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:38,229 Mortgage. 9 00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:40,398 Pepto. 10 00:01:43,703 --> 00:01:45,203 Department store. 11 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,375 Shotgun. 12 00:01:53,512 --> 00:01:56,414 Al...Can't you go any faster? 13 00:01:56,415 --> 00:01:58,383 Let's pretend we're upstairs. 14 00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:00,552 I know. I'll yell, "not yet." 15 00:02:00,553 --> 00:02:03,588 That always seems to speed you up. 16 00:02:03,589 --> 00:02:05,891 Oh, I'm sorry, peg. Am I bringing you down? 17 00:02:05,892 --> 00:02:07,525 Well, let me try another attitude. 18 00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:09,427 ♪ oh, man, we're broke cha, cha, cha ♪ 19 00:02:09,428 --> 00:02:11,262 ♪ everybody flat broke cha, cha, cha ♪ 20 00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:13,097 ♪ living in the gutter cha, cha, cha ♪ 21 00:02:13,098 --> 00:02:15,934 ♪ early grave cha, cha, cha ♪ 22 00:02:15,935 --> 00:02:18,637 All right. Now, everybody, shoot me! 23 00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,778 Kiss me with a hammer. 24 00:02:27,746 --> 00:02:30,114 What's the matter, honey? 25 00:02:30,115 --> 00:02:31,449 It's that school place. 26 00:02:31,450 --> 00:02:35,186 They want me to be a stupid intern at some stupid station. 27 00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:36,755 Channel 83. 28 00:02:36,756 --> 00:02:38,890 Nobody watches channel 83. 29 00:02:38,891 --> 00:02:43,328 Cosmic dog is a pretty darn good show. 30 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,830 God, it's so unfair. 31 00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:47,365 They gave all the cool assignments 32 00:02:47,366 --> 00:02:49,768 To the kids who were awake. 33 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,137 They're gonna make me work nights. 34 00:02:53,138 --> 00:02:54,306 So now, come dawn, 35 00:02:54,307 --> 00:02:55,873 When we're wondering where you are, 36 00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:57,675 We'll just check the tv station 37 00:02:57,676 --> 00:02:59,077 Instead of the bushes. 38 00:03:00,479 --> 00:03:03,714 Oh, go dance alone in your underwear. 39 00:03:03,715 --> 00:03:05,583 Al, the kids are arguing again. 40 00:03:05,584 --> 00:03:06,951 Would you talk to them? 41 00:03:06,952 --> 00:03:11,222 Talking to them won't make them go away, peg. 42 00:03:11,223 --> 00:03:14,425 Besides, I have to concentrate on this raise thing. 43 00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:16,527 It's time I got my dignity back. 44 00:03:16,528 --> 00:03:18,763 Come on, bud, let's get some windex and a squeegee 45 00:03:18,764 --> 00:03:19,864 And hit the off-ramps. 46 00:03:22,434 --> 00:03:24,802 Daddy needs to buy a power tie. 47 00:03:26,071 --> 00:03:27,638 Mom, what am I gonna do? 48 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:29,306 If I don't do this stupid intern thing, 49 00:03:29,307 --> 00:03:31,041 I won't graduate. 50 00:03:31,042 --> 00:03:34,279 Hm...Graduation. 51 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:37,549 Kelly...Maybe it's time we had a little talk. 52 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:39,083 You're getting to be a big girl now, 53 00:03:39,084 --> 00:03:41,019 And there's something I've been putting off 54 00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:42,654 Telling you for a while. 55 00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,388 But time is slipping by quickly, 56 00:03:44,389 --> 00:03:47,992 And I don't want you to learn about it on the street. 57 00:03:47,993 --> 00:03:51,395 Honey, ahem...There is a thing out there 58 00:03:51,396 --> 00:03:53,831 That men will want you to do. 59 00:03:53,832 --> 00:03:56,601 In fact, they'll expect it. 60 00:03:56,602 --> 00:03:59,037 Now, no woman really enjoys it, 61 00:03:59,038 --> 00:04:02,040 But we do it, get them to marry us 62 00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,475 And then never have to do it again. 63 00:04:06,645 --> 00:04:10,181 That horrible thing is called... 64 00:04:10,182 --> 00:04:12,650 Work. 65 00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:14,285 Hold me, mom. I'm scared. 66 00:04:14,286 --> 00:04:17,655 Aw, I know. I know. 67 00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:20,424 But, honey, the important thing is to do it early, 68 00:04:20,425 --> 00:04:21,693 While you're still young. 69 00:04:21,694 --> 00:04:25,830 That way...When your husband comes home reeking of beer, 70 00:04:25,831 --> 00:04:29,801 Wanting some loving, you'll follow that fat rump upstairs. 71 00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:34,606 Because you'll know... That no matter how disgusting 72 00:04:34,607 --> 00:04:37,241 The next three minutes will be... 73 00:04:37,242 --> 00:04:41,746 It still beats the hell out of work. 74 00:04:41,747 --> 00:04:44,415 Thank you, mom. You're so wise. 75 00:04:44,416 --> 00:04:45,717 Ah, well. 76 00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:48,219 You know, you can't sit on a sofa 20 hours a day 77 00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:49,687 And not learn something. 78 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,061 Okay, who ordered the coffee? 79 00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:58,295 I did. 80 00:05:05,504 --> 00:05:06,504 Who is that? 81 00:05:06,505 --> 00:05:07,772 It's our new intern. 82 00:05:07,773 --> 00:05:11,042 But what we need is a gimmick to get the ratings up. 83 00:05:11,043 --> 00:05:14,379 Look. I made it cloudy way up in the pointy states. 84 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,954 Come on, al. 85 00:05:23,955 --> 00:05:25,824 What is it you're gonna tell us? 86 00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,558 Is it about your raise? 87 00:05:27,559 --> 00:05:28,859 Ah, ah, ah, peg. 88 00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:31,462 Not till the whole family's here. 89 00:05:31,463 --> 00:05:32,697 This news is so big, 90 00:05:32,698 --> 00:05:34,332 I even want the girl to hear it. 91 00:05:37,703 --> 00:05:39,470 There we go. 92 00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:41,039 It's time. 93 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,340 Family-- 94 00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:45,209 Mom, dad, I just got a job for $1000 a week. 95 00:05:45,210 --> 00:05:47,478 Are you kidding me? 96 00:05:47,479 --> 00:05:49,080 I can't believe that. 97 00:05:49,081 --> 00:05:50,347 Oh, we're rich! We're rich! 98 00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,117 Oh, mom. 99 00:05:53,118 --> 00:05:56,353 Oh, mom. She's finally turning pro. 100 00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:02,694 Oh, a successful bundy. 101 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:04,461 Oh, al... 102 00:06:04,462 --> 00:06:07,165 Come and brownnose with us. 103 00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,167 Why should I? You're already doing a good job. 104 00:06:10,335 --> 00:06:12,503 I'm sorry, honey. 105 00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,605 You had an announcement too. 106 00:06:14,606 --> 00:06:17,742 Did not. 107 00:06:17,743 --> 00:06:19,176 Come on, dad, tell us. 108 00:06:19,177 --> 00:06:20,878 We're really interested. 109 00:06:20,879 --> 00:06:23,481 Well, okay. 110 00:06:23,482 --> 00:06:26,317 Well, today I made my stand at work. 111 00:06:26,318 --> 00:06:28,319 I fought, I threw myself on the ground, 112 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,687 I screamed like a woman. 113 00:06:30,756 --> 00:06:32,557 But I finally got what I was after. 114 00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:36,294 Folks, you're looking at a man with a $5 a week raise. 115 00:06:38,797 --> 00:06:41,399 Gee, kelly... Kelly... 116 00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:49,773 Hurry up, dad. She's gonna be on in a minute. 117 00:06:49,774 --> 00:06:52,043 Well, I still think it's a pretty unfair world 118 00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,412 When someone who doesn't even have a high school diploma 119 00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,980 Makes more than someone important, 120 00:06:55,981 --> 00:06:59,183 Like a ph.D. Or a...Shoe salesman. 121 00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:03,521 Oh, honey...You may not make much money, 122 00:07:03,522 --> 00:07:06,223 But kelly will never have the satisfaction of saying, 123 00:07:06,224 --> 00:07:10,061 "I used to play a little high-school ball." 124 00:07:11,864 --> 00:07:13,797 You know, son, one day you'll have a girl 125 00:07:13,798 --> 00:07:18,102 Just like the girl that's killing dear old dad. 126 00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:19,404 Shut up, al. 127 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:20,938 Oh, she's coming on. 128 00:07:20,939 --> 00:07:22,673 Announcer: And now the action weather, 129 00:07:22,674 --> 00:07:25,843 With meteorologist bill palomino. 130 00:07:25,844 --> 00:07:29,147 And, yes, girls, I'm still single. 131 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:31,515 Now, let's have some fun. Let's do weather. 132 00:07:31,516 --> 00:07:33,050 It's still sunny here in chicago, 133 00:07:33,051 --> 00:07:34,218 But up in washington, 134 00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:35,653 They're expecting more clouds. 135 00:07:35,654 --> 00:07:37,088 Right, weather bunny? 136 00:07:37,089 --> 00:07:38,589 Right-o, bill. 137 00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:48,566 Look, folks, it stays up there all by itself. 138 00:07:50,969 --> 00:07:52,469 And we have tornado warnings for-- 139 00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:53,971 Excuse me, bill. 140 00:07:53,972 --> 00:07:56,540 But I have a little inside tip for our viewers. 141 00:07:56,541 --> 00:07:57,942 You see these little clouds? 142 00:07:57,943 --> 00:07:59,810 Now, they won't stick to just anything. 143 00:07:59,811 --> 00:08:01,412 Look. 144 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,018 Now, kids, don't try this at home. 145 00:08:07,019 --> 00:08:08,953 Back to you, bill. 146 00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:15,393 Oh. Look at her, al. 147 00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:18,696 The product of our love. 148 00:08:18,697 --> 00:08:22,466 That's not surprising, is it, peg? 149 00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:25,236 Oh, al, I know you're a little down, 150 00:08:25,237 --> 00:08:27,171 What with kelly making more in a day 151 00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:29,140 Than you made in the '80s. 152 00:08:30,475 --> 00:08:32,243 But, as far as I'm concerned, 153 00:08:32,244 --> 00:08:33,911 You're still the man in the house. 154 00:08:33,912 --> 00:08:35,546 Thanks, peg. What's for dinner? 155 00:08:35,547 --> 00:08:36,547 Veal. 156 00:08:36,548 --> 00:08:37,848 I hate veal. 157 00:08:37,849 --> 00:08:40,618 Oh, I know, but kelly wanted it. 158 00:08:41,820 --> 00:08:44,254 And so, as you can all see, 159 00:08:44,255 --> 00:08:46,891 Kelly bundy overcame blinding poverty 160 00:08:46,892 --> 00:08:49,226 To become the star she is today. 161 00:08:49,227 --> 00:08:51,395 And remember...Later, there will be a chance 162 00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:53,964 For all of you to purchase some of her bath water. 163 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:57,134 So now, if you'll just wave 164 00:08:57,135 --> 00:08:59,336 To kelly's mother on the way out... 165 00:09:00,906 --> 00:09:02,072 We'll conclude the tour 166 00:09:02,073 --> 00:09:03,808 With the car that kelly was conceived in 167 00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,543 And the garage where she was born. 168 00:09:10,882 --> 00:09:13,684 Oh, al...Isn't this exciting? 169 00:09:13,685 --> 00:09:16,087 He didn't even introduce me, peg. 170 00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:17,789 Well, you know, we discussed it, 171 00:09:17,790 --> 00:09:20,725 But the legend seemed to work better with you dead. 172 00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,561 Oh. Oh. 173 00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:26,464 Oh, god. What a day. 174 00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:28,466 Clouds just would not stick. 175 00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:32,102 I'm bleeding for you. 176 00:09:32,103 --> 00:09:34,872 Pass me a bread stick, dear. 177 00:09:34,873 --> 00:09:37,407 Al...She reaches for a living. 178 00:09:37,408 --> 00:09:39,710 She should relax when she's at home. 179 00:09:39,711 --> 00:09:42,013 Excuse your father, honey. He's an idiot. 180 00:09:43,548 --> 00:09:47,418 Peggy...Tell bud I don't have to pay to get in here. 181 00:09:47,419 --> 00:09:48,686 That's right, bud. 182 00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:51,889 I sold her a lifetime pass yesterday. 183 00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:56,227 Kelly, I've got to ask you a question. 184 00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,829 I am sorry, but I am not allowed 185 00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:01,432 To reveal tomorrow's weather until tomorrow. 186 00:10:01,433 --> 00:10:03,067 To hell with the weather. 187 00:10:03,068 --> 00:10:05,870 Give me the poop on palomino. 188 00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:07,404 Boy, there's one warm front 189 00:10:07,405 --> 00:10:09,540 I wouldn't mind settling over me for a few days. 190 00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:14,312 Well, actually, he's not the nice man 191 00:10:14,313 --> 00:10:15,646 That he appears to be. 192 00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:17,047 I mean, just today after the weather, 193 00:10:17,048 --> 00:10:19,316 When I, like america, 194 00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:23,120 Wondered aloud where east dakota was... 195 00:10:23,121 --> 00:10:24,822 He went to the station manager 196 00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:27,258 And said, "either the bimbo goes or I go." 197 00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,859 Well, it looks like things 198 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,961 Will start to get back to normal around here now. 199 00:10:30,962 --> 00:10:32,930 So I guess the next tour comes through here, 200 00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:35,466 You'll be selling my bath water. 201 00:10:35,467 --> 00:10:37,735 Yeah, right, al. 202 00:10:37,736 --> 00:10:41,104 Like I really kept it for five years. 203 00:10:43,942 --> 00:10:45,776 I'm sorry you lost your job, kelly. 204 00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:48,712 My job? They canned him like a tuna. 205 00:10:51,049 --> 00:10:53,250 I mean...After all, 206 00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:55,586 I am the one in the short skirt. 207 00:10:55,587 --> 00:10:59,724 And you always will be, honey. 208 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:02,927 Oh, your first job. How exciting. 209 00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,028 Working during your high school years. 210 00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:06,564 That's what I did. 211 00:11:06,565 --> 00:11:08,899 While everyone else was out having fun. 212 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:12,002 But I was saving for a college education. 213 00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:13,303 And that's what it went for. 214 00:11:13,304 --> 00:11:17,341 My sister's college education. 215 00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:19,710 Ah! And, of course, mother wouldn't dream 216 00:11:19,711 --> 00:11:20,945 Of asking her to work. 217 00:11:20,946 --> 00:11:24,414 No. Because sis was too pretty and too delicate 218 00:11:24,415 --> 00:11:26,784 To be hauling around slabs of meat. 219 00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:30,454 Now she's a physicist, 220 00:11:30,455 --> 00:11:31,822 And I can stuff a sausage 221 00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:34,558 With one hand tied behind my back. 222 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:35,960 So everything worked out. 223 00:11:35,961 --> 00:11:38,428 I guess what I'm trying to say is... 224 00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:42,333 What happened to my life? My youth? 225 00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:43,601 Peg, do you mind, here? 226 00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:49,039 All I want is my fair share. 227 00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:52,843 To go to the prom. To work on a float. 228 00:11:52,844 --> 00:11:54,678 To have a date with a boy 229 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:56,814 Instead of a pork shoulder I'd call vinnie. 230 00:11:57,949 --> 00:12:00,785 Peggy, do I deserve to be treated like this? 231 00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:01,985 I mean-- 232 00:12:03,755 --> 00:12:05,122 [mouths words] 233 00:12:06,958 --> 00:12:10,027 God. She needs a date worse than I do. 234 00:12:11,630 --> 00:12:13,564 Mom, she really depressed me. 235 00:12:13,565 --> 00:12:16,400 Oh, honey, it's all right. 236 00:12:16,401 --> 00:12:18,669 I know what would make you feel better. 237 00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:22,373 Al, tell us again about your raise. 238 00:12:22,374 --> 00:12:23,707 [laughing] 239 00:12:24,776 --> 00:12:26,310 How much was it? 240 00:12:30,148 --> 00:12:31,949 Oh, you're the greatest, mom. 241 00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:34,852 But I really do need some advice. 242 00:12:34,853 --> 00:12:38,021 Mom, I'm on the horns of an enema. 243 00:12:41,727 --> 00:12:44,228 See...In order to be the weather girl, 244 00:12:44,229 --> 00:12:46,230 I'd have to work full-time, and that would mean 245 00:12:46,231 --> 00:12:47,732 I'd have to quit school. 246 00:12:47,733 --> 00:12:50,801 Oh. Gee, kelly. 247 00:12:50,802 --> 00:12:53,304 Quitting school's a big step. 248 00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:56,740 I mean, that's where we get our pens and pencils. 249 00:12:58,042 --> 00:13:01,345 And our little cartons of milk. 250 00:13:01,346 --> 00:13:02,947 Al, talk to her. 251 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,883 What's left to say, mama walton? 252 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,154 Come here, young lady. 253 00:13:12,290 --> 00:13:17,228 Now, kelly...You've got to stay in school. 254 00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:19,230 It's important for your future. 255 00:13:19,231 --> 00:13:21,064 Now, look at me. 256 00:13:21,065 --> 00:13:22,933 If I didn't have a high school diploma, 257 00:13:22,934 --> 00:13:24,502 I'd just be a... 258 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,007 Well, maybe I'm not a good example, 259 00:13:30,008 --> 00:13:33,144 But...It does help other people. 260 00:13:33,145 --> 00:13:36,980 You know, lawyers, doctors, astronauts... 261 00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:41,185 Everybody except me. 262 00:13:41,186 --> 00:13:42,186 Daddy? 263 00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:44,455 Give daddy a second here. 264 00:13:51,396 --> 00:13:53,897 What happened to me? 265 00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:56,634 I'm not a stupid man. 266 00:13:56,635 --> 00:13:58,068 Oh, well. 267 00:13:58,069 --> 00:14:00,204 It's important to stay in school. 268 00:14:00,205 --> 00:14:01,772 You can command a much bigger salary 269 00:14:01,773 --> 00:14:03,974 With a high school diploma than without it. 270 00:14:03,975 --> 00:14:06,877 How much they gonna pay you to be this...Weather girl? 271 00:14:06,878 --> 00:14:10,981 Well...The contract is for three years at, um... 272 00:14:12,083 --> 00:14:14,284 $250,000 a year. 273 00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:21,058 All right. High school is for dummies. 274 00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:23,193 Now, I wanted to pull you out of the seventh grade, 275 00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:24,561 But your mother and that county 276 00:14:24,562 --> 00:14:26,063 Wouldn't let me. 277 00:14:26,064 --> 00:14:29,300 What about the astronauts, al? 278 00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:32,035 You name one that's doing better than my little girl here. 279 00:14:33,405 --> 00:14:36,207 Now, pumpkin, you're going to need a manager. 280 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,608 Should be somebody close to you, 281 00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:40,444 Maybe a family member, someone you can trust. 282 00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:41,812 Well, I trust you, daddy. 283 00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,582 And I love you, pumpkin. 284 00:14:45,583 --> 00:14:46,817 Now, I know you want daddy, 285 00:14:46,818 --> 00:14:48,119 But he doesn't come cheap. 286 00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:50,988 Because, see, I'm gonna have to retire 287 00:14:50,989 --> 00:14:52,856 From the shoe business to manage you. 288 00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:56,160 Al...Can't you sell shoes and rob kelly 289 00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,095 At the same time? 290 00:14:58,096 --> 00:14:59,830 Shut up, peg, if you want to live here 291 00:14:59,831 --> 00:15:01,164 With me and my baby. 292 00:15:02,834 --> 00:15:06,904 Now...I'll take 40 percent of the gross. 293 00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:08,538 What's "gross" mean? 294 00:15:10,041 --> 00:15:12,142 She's some special little girl, isn't she, peg? 295 00:15:13,311 --> 00:15:14,611 Oh, daddy, can I ask a favor? 296 00:15:14,612 --> 00:15:16,113 Kelly, you don't even have to ask. 297 00:15:16,114 --> 00:15:18,682 Peg, take the boy and the dog and get out of here. 298 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,761 No, dad. I want to know if I could get a porsche? 299 00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:31,962 They said I could have one 300 00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:33,564 If you would co-sign the loan for me. 301 00:15:33,565 --> 00:15:35,533 Yeah, right. So I would be responsible for it. 302 00:15:35,534 --> 00:15:37,100 Forget it. You don't need a porsche. 303 00:15:37,101 --> 00:15:38,569 Why, for the same amount of money, 304 00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:40,938 You could have my old dodge. 305 00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:43,707 Come on, kelly. Daddy's not the only parent you've got. 306 00:15:43,708 --> 00:15:45,142 Forget it, peg. 307 00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,977 You can have a percentage of our son buck. 308 00:15:46,978 --> 00:15:48,078 Bud. 309 00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:50,881 Bud, buck. What's the difference? 310 00:15:50,882 --> 00:15:53,184 Take them both. Kelly's my baby. 311 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,119 And if my baby wants a porsche, 312 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,753 A porsche she shall have. 313 00:15:56,754 --> 00:15:58,488 Hey, dad, can we stop for ice cream? 314 00:15:58,489 --> 00:16:00,124 We sure can, if you're paying. 315 00:16:02,827 --> 00:16:04,461 Veal again? 316 00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,330 Kelly likes veal. 317 00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:07,898 If kelly wanted my head on a platter, 318 00:16:07,899 --> 00:16:09,666 Would you do it for her? 319 00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:12,436 Honey, for a quarter mil a year, 320 00:16:12,437 --> 00:16:15,573 I'd make bundy-kabobs out of you and your father. 321 00:16:33,524 --> 00:16:35,759 Family babes. 322 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,428 How's it going? 323 00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:40,531 Al, that suit must have cost a fortune. 324 00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:42,833 Hey, nothing's too good for me. 325 00:16:44,602 --> 00:16:46,737 Peg, I'm telling you, I'm a changed man. 326 00:16:46,738 --> 00:16:49,740 You're looking at a whole new al bundy. 327 00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:57,347 Did you get kelly's contracts all finalized? 328 00:16:57,348 --> 00:17:00,017 Well, just a couple of sticky points to iron out. 329 00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,718 Tomorrow I'm bringing out the big guns. 330 00:17:01,719 --> 00:17:06,356 Gonna get me one of them high-class sears lawyers. 331 00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:08,325 Oh, I quit my job too. 332 00:17:08,326 --> 00:17:11,929 Yeah, they begged me to stay, but I laughed in their faces. 333 00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:14,564 I told them, "hey! If I need an extra 5 bucks a week, 334 00:17:14,565 --> 00:17:16,733 I get it from my little girl." 335 00:17:16,734 --> 00:17:18,702 Aw, gee, honey... 336 00:17:18,703 --> 00:17:21,037 Who would have thought that big 30 seconds 337 00:17:21,038 --> 00:17:22,872 You spent 17 years ago 338 00:17:22,873 --> 00:17:26,343 Would pay off like this? 339 00:17:26,344 --> 00:17:28,212 And you said it wasn't any good. 340 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:29,346 Aw! 341 00:17:31,349 --> 00:17:33,017 Well, I'm getting all a's in school. 342 00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:34,818 And my teacher said if I keep it up, 343 00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:37,121 I could make school valedictorian. 344 00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:38,155 Yeah. That and 25 cents 345 00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:39,890 Will buy you a bag of chips. 346 00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,427 Yup. Time to watch our little meal ticket 347 00:17:43,428 --> 00:17:45,295 Do the weather. 348 00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:46,730 I'm nervous, al. 349 00:17:46,731 --> 00:17:48,332 Chill out, babe. All she has to do 350 00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,100 Is read it off the teleprompter. 351 00:17:50,101 --> 00:17:52,236 Announcer: And now, our action news weather 352 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:55,506 With meteorologist weather bunny kelly bundy. 353 00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,074 Hello, everyone. 354 00:17:57,075 --> 00:18:00,243 Oh, hi, daddy. I like my car. 355 00:18:00,244 --> 00:18:01,946 Oh...By the way. 356 00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,647 Jim here's too modest to tell you, 357 00:18:03,648 --> 00:18:05,683 But...He won the big office pool 358 00:18:05,684 --> 00:18:07,885 On how many people died in that train wreck in peru. 359 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,854 Way to go, jim. 360 00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,388 Anyway, on to the weather. 361 00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:18,462 "there is a... Strom...Coming to..." 362 00:18:18,463 --> 00:18:23,233 You know, that reading tutor is really paying off. 363 00:18:23,234 --> 00:18:26,970 "to...Chick ago." 364 00:18:28,272 --> 00:18:29,472 News anchor: Chicago! 365 00:18:31,042 --> 00:18:34,444 Uh-oh. There's a strom coming to us? 366 00:18:34,445 --> 00:18:35,512 What's a strom? 367 00:18:35,513 --> 00:18:36,947 News anchor: Storm! 368 00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:41,685 Why don't they just put some peanut butter 369 00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:44,522 On her gums, like they did with mr. Ed? 370 00:18:47,992 --> 00:18:52,395 "winds are up to 30... Mphs." 371 00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:57,200 News anchor: That's miles per hour, you idiot! 372 00:18:57,201 --> 00:18:59,402 Hey, I'm not an idiot. 373 00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:02,038 I happen to be a meterlalologist. 374 00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,108 Dork. 375 00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,946 Anyway, "strom clods are forming--" 376 00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:10,113 News anchor: Clouds! 377 00:19:10,114 --> 00:19:12,883 Strom clouds-- oh! 378 00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:14,618 Never mind. Somebody get her off. 379 00:19:14,619 --> 00:19:16,119 I'm ripping up her contract. 380 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,988 She's gone. 381 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:26,997 All a's, huh? 382 00:19:31,502 --> 00:19:33,570 I know what you're thinking, al. 383 00:19:33,571 --> 00:19:36,974 If only you'd let kelly sign her contract when she wanted to, 384 00:19:36,975 --> 00:19:38,909 We'd be rich. 385 00:19:38,910 --> 00:19:40,443 Or are you thinking, 386 00:19:40,444 --> 00:19:42,479 "you know, if I had the brain of a goldfish, 387 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,847 I could get a better job"? 388 00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,184 I guess I ought to get my job back, huh? 389 00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:48,619 Well, I don't know, dad. 390 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:50,687 You might be a little rusty. 391 00:19:50,688 --> 00:19:53,289 Are you sure you can still do this? 392 00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:54,858 [laughing] 393 00:19:56,094 --> 00:19:58,228 Ha-ha. Ah, I love you guys. 394 00:19:59,264 --> 00:20:01,131 What a disaster, huh? 395 00:20:01,132 --> 00:20:02,999 Well, the real killer was the porsche. 396 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,035 Well, how bad could the depreciation be? 397 00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:06,303 She only drove it 4 miles. 398 00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,772 That can only be what, about 8, 10,000 dollars? 399 00:20:09,974 --> 00:20:11,809 [telephone rings] 400 00:20:13,044 --> 00:20:14,611 Hello. 401 00:20:14,612 --> 00:20:16,546 It's kelly on her car phone, dad. 402 00:20:18,282 --> 00:20:20,017 Kelly? 403 00:20:20,018 --> 00:20:23,553 Yes, we still love you. 404 00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:25,990 Yes, I'm glad you like your car. 405 00:20:25,991 --> 00:20:28,826 Of course you can keep it after this. 406 00:20:28,827 --> 00:20:29,827 She is an idiot. 407 00:20:31,262 --> 00:20:33,931 Kelly...Be very, very careful. 408 00:20:33,932 --> 00:20:36,133 Drive very carefully. 409 00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:37,801 Yes, we still love you. 410 00:20:37,802 --> 00:20:39,503 Be very, very careful. 411 00:20:40,738 --> 00:20:42,940 Thank god, she's just right down the street. 412 00:20:45,276 --> 00:20:46,710 Ah, here she comes. 413 00:20:46,711 --> 00:20:49,112 Easy, kelly. 414 00:20:49,113 --> 00:20:51,314 Easy, kelly. Ah. 415 00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:53,150 Thank god. She's in the garage. 416 00:20:53,151 --> 00:20:55,352 You know, peg, if anything happened to that porsche, 417 00:20:55,353 --> 00:20:56,353 My life would be-- 418 00:20:56,354 --> 00:20:58,722 [tires screeching] 419 00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:15,239 [telephone rings] 420 00:21:18,809 --> 00:21:20,410 Hello? 421 00:21:20,411 --> 00:21:22,979 It's kelly on her car phone, dad. 422 00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:25,949 Tell her hi for me. 423 00:21:27,852 --> 00:21:29,519 So, what's up? 424 00:21:31,355 --> 00:21:33,323 Dad mad? 425 00:21:33,324 --> 00:21:36,760 No. He's just a little... Concerned for your safety. 426 00:21:40,731 --> 00:21:42,299 Come on in. 427 00:22:01,786 --> 00:22:05,122 [♪]